The thoughts began like this;
I have a question and I don’t know if it could help your blog or not but it’s something that’s bugging the shit out of me.
What’s your advice about having no self worth? I think it’s a self worth thing atleast. I honestly spent the last year talking a really big game but everytime the conversation was with myself I would get extremely motivated (ie. Trying to write a book, jumping at any job and being spontaneous which really isn’t me.) Then I’d get into spots like I am tonight. The book seems like a lost cause, I have no motivation to finish it, everyday seems practically worthless to me. I truly thought I got over this when I texted the crisis number last week. I don’t know. My thoughts are honestly kindof jumbled tonight. The only thing that keeps coming to my head is death without dying
Then I stopped. I stopped because I did text the Crisis Line last week. I was alone and sobbing and I texted the number. I was given a shoulder and an open ear.
This has happened to me before too. Not with the Crisis Line but breaking down to close friends, family. Getting drunk with my ex and just letting everything flow out. I’ve heard and given other people every sliver of advice in existance, but…here I am.
Feeling overwelmed with life even when nothing is happening. Wanting to watch what happens but not feeling the will to be a part of it.
Just wanting to die without actually dying.