Posted in 2017, accountable, blog, blog topics, processed food, raw vegan, vegan, veganism, weight

Raw Vegan vs. Cooked/Processed.

About a week ago I wrote a blog about trying out a raw vegan diet. I didn’t think that when I started this I would see any type of result but I was wrong. 

To start at the basics and to explain what I was eating during each meal I’ll explain that the first 10 days I ate nothing except for fruit, veggies, nuts and water. Apples, bananas, oranges, peaches, pears, spinach, kale, peanuts, cashews etc. 

During that time I felt amazing. I slept better, felt physically better, used the bathroom regularly and even saw my face starting to clear up. I also had a pretty substantial amount of energy which I never expected in just 10 days of eating raw vegan. 

I will say this, I obviously didn’t experience any weightloss but I don’t see losing weight being an issue on this diet because everything felt in sync, plus I actually wanted to eat what was in front of me. I wasn’t just eating to fill a hole in my stomach.

Then I decided to turn it into a test and the last 3 days I’ve been eating what I would before while still trying to keep water the only thing that I drank. An example of this would be chicken patties with parmesean noodles, peanut butter sandwiches on white bread and even splurged today with banana pudding out of a box. 

Now, here’s the difference. Physically, I feel like shit. I have not been using the bathroom regularly and I constantly have a dry taste in my mouth. Not only that but no matter what or how much I eat out of this extremely common regular diet, I’m STILL hungry. The weirdest part though? Oddly enough, water doesn’t taste as good to me now. It’s as if my body knows that somethings up considering my drink of choice with my meals used to be Mountain Dew which has a HUGE amount of sugar. 

From my perspective I 100% prefer a raw food diet. Although it may not be something I can do constantly just because of my lack of creativity in preparing raw food but I want to incorporate it in my life as much as possible. Even if that means as cheat meal every few weeks until I can get the hang of it. 

Photo from ThatSugarFilm  which includes more information about this topic.

Posted in 2017, blog, blog topics, food, happiness, health, life, raw vegan, vegan, veganism, weight, youtube

Vegan, really?

Recently, within the last week, I was exploring youtube like usual and came across a Youtuber named Kate Flowers. Originally I clicked because of the relationship between her and her girlfriend but I ended up staying because of her and her girlfriends attitudes and diet. 

I stayed on YouTube for awhile and binge watched a whole bunch of her videos about being raw vegan, weightloss and how she felt eating cooked food versus raw food. 

I was immediately interested in trying it out and took the next couple of days to do a little research on other raw vegan youtubers, recipes and pros and cons and I’m pretty proud to say that I’ve been eating mostly raw vegan for the last 4 days. 

I say mostly because last night I was having a little trouble with energy so I made a bowl of pasta and on Monday I finished off my last cup-o-noodles. 

Thus far I’ve been eating massive bowls of fruit for breakfast. Peaches, sliced apples, pears, bananas and blueberries. For lunch I’ve tried to have salad or if I’m not that hungry I’ll have an apple and a few bananas. I’ve been drinking 98% water minus a blue Brisk yesterday but besides that I’m on the right path. 

How do I feel?

Well I’m gonna start this off by saying that Ive  adjusted my sleeping habits within these 4 days as well . I try to be in bed by 10pm and I’m awake no later than 8am so that explains the lathargy I feel around 2pm. Besides that I feel great. Usually things like this don’t come as easily to me because I find myself craving things but even when I have its only lasted for a second then I’m good. 

Struggles?

The only struggle I’m having currently is the fact that I bought a big bag of chicken tenders the week before last and I don’t really want to eat it but I also don’t want it here as a temptation. To be honest, chicken was just about the only meat I enjoyed everytime I ate it so not to sound like an angsty teen but the struggle is real there. 

Will I continue?

I truly think that I will. I’ve wanted to get healthy for years and that fact that this has been so effortless is helping me to do so. It’s only been 4 days so I haven’t seen any weightloss but my energy is definetly higher and my skin is clearing up which is a huge plus. 

The one thing that I’m still on the fence about is whether or not to be fully raw vegan or just vegan. Both are good for me and have massive benefits but when looking at creativity and availability I don’t know how many options I can make for myself without cooking something considering that’s what I’m used to doing and can still do sans meat. 

Anyways, I just wanted to post an update on myself. 
Next challenge-continueing to eat healthy and drink water while working because I will officially be starting a new job this friday. Success!

Posted in blog, blog topics, confidence, depression, lessons, mental health, mistakes, pregnancy, self esteem, self worth, short story, Stalker, story time

Stalker Story Time.

I’m sure you all know by now that my confidence isn’t exactly sky high so to keep on the subject and maybe explain myself a little bit I’ve decided to tell you a story. 

When I was a teenager, and continuously, I had suffered from depression. Being in Highschool where you unfortunately hear about your friends sexual endeavors I started feeling extremely depressed, lacking in confidence and unwanted. After my Junior year there was a plan set by my Mom to move back to our old house in town. 

Upon learning that I developed a mindset of jealousy and decided then when going to this new school and having no one to talk to I atleast wanted someone I knew I could turn to. 

I proceeded to download MyYearbook, now known as MeetMe. At 17 I started talking to a 27 year old man that we’ll call “Tom.” Tom and I talked for the entire summer and he expressed interest in me that I wasn’t used to even though I knew I wasn’t entirely interested in him in that way. Being totally inexperienced in any kind of “romantic” relationship I instead came up with the worst motto in History.

I definetly won’t be with anyone else so I myswell take what I can get.

Absolutely terrible. 

Anyways, after school started he and I started talking about meeting. We both knew that we were only about 10 minutes, walking distance, away from one another so I explained that it would have to be after school and I needed to be back before 5:00pm. He agreed. 

A month or two into the school year we met for the first time and it immediately was off to an uncomfortable start. The very first thing he initiated was sex and being innocent in this subject and having the motto that I had, “no” really didn’t come easily. Including when it came to him coming to my house with no intentions on my part to do anything sexual.

For reasons that I really can’t validate even 6 years later, this “relationship” continued although red flags weren’t scarce. First red flag being that he was violent. I never left with any bruises but I can recall multiple times when I was unable to breathe and verbally and physically expressed that I was in pain. 

Even then it continued until he requested one last thing, which I will not mention here because of disgust, to which I promptly and loudly denied. 

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out why exactly he was attracted to me and didn’t figure it out until about a month later when I received a text from him claiming to be a friend of his, requesting pictures of any of my “pregnant friends.”

So yeah, I’ll be honest. I’m a bit overweight. Apparently that was close enough for him and his “fetish.” Red. Flag. 

I, of course, told him no then attempted to message him the next day explaining the situation to which he played off in a joking manner saying, “Ya, he’s like that. Ha ha.”

Now I can’t say I was positive at that point that he was pretending to be other people until his “friend” texted a few more times requesting the same thing then receiving a message on Facebook from a girl I had never heard of saying that she saw us together and would call the cops. 

That of course scared the shit out of me because at the time my Mom worked at the Court House and knew every cop in the area. Scared or not I decided to do some research. I looked at her page which had zero pictures of her, zero posts but she was friends with over 200 people including some of my friends, all of which either were pregnant or had kids. 

I ignored the texts I got from “Tom” and messaged some of my friends asking if they knew who she was. They all said no and that they had just gotten a request from her and accepted it. 

I decided at this point to message Tom and not only explain the situation but also to call him out for trying to fuck with me because not only were these 2 situations highly unlikely but the main thing I noticed was that Tom, his “friend” and this girl all typed EXACTLY the same. Right down to the punctuation and spelling of different words. 

That was when I told him that I was done speaking to him and that he needed to erase my number and forget me NOW. 

For atleast 2 months afterwards he continued to text me pretending to be other people, begging for forgiveness and even went as far as to write my phone number in a local stores mens bathroom. 

I finally convinced my Mom to let me change my number, explaining that apparently someone from school had gotten my number and wrote it in the bathroom which was causing me to be harassed. 

Unfortunately I had somewhat forgotten that he knew were I lived and I had faith that he wouldn’t go as far as to show up at my house. 

As I’m sure you suspect, I was wrong to put faith in Tom because one night when my Mom picked me up from work she handed me an unsealed letter in an envelope that was just marked “To Emily.” Then explained that she found it laying on the front porch.

I ignored the letter and spent the entire drive home trying to talk about anything except for that. 

Once we got there I called a friend of mine that lived down the block, whom I had shared this ordeal with earlier in the year, and asked her to come up and read the letter because I couldnt. Once she got to my house she read the letter and reassured me that if my Mom had read it there wasn’t anything incriminating in there. I gave it a once over and immediately was pissed because this guy refused to take no as an answer. 

He had written his number on the bottom so my friend and I called him and explained that I was done, he was harassing me and that I was .5 seconds away from calling the police on him. We then hung up before he could respond and waited. 

He never sent a text, letter or called me again and I didnt see him for about 3 years until he casually came into the gas station where I was working at the time. Which was the most terrifying moment I had experienced in quite awhile but fortunately that was the last time I saw him. 

That was my story. If you ever fear that you are in an abusive, stalking or uncomfortable position like this, don’t be like me and handle it yourself. Talk to someone, call the police if you need to. People will help you.  

Main photo from LitHub which includes a book review of Caroline Kepnes books which touch on “Love VS. Stalking.”

Posted in 2017, advice, blog, blog topics, lessons, life, thoughts

22 Things.

When I go on a date with someone for some reason I always feel the need to ask them what they’re hopes and dreams are. 

I ask them and they list it out for me then return the question. I always seem to have this elaborate 5 year plan ready to go. 

Save my money, buy my first home, hopefully a new car somewhere along the way. To be in a good relationship, to be happy. It really doesn’t seem like alot.

But now that I think about it I would’ve had this dream when I was 18 as well which would now be almost 5 years ago. Since I think the only thing that has come true from that is being in a relationship I decided to instead make a list of 22 things I’ve learned in the last 5 years. Enjoy. 

  1. No one is in control of your life except for you. 
  2. You can’t expect anything to change by sitting and waiting. 
  3. It is NOT a good idea to fuck up your taxes. This goes along with the fact that if you’re in college and not paying towards your loans yet-you still need to file for school. 
  4. “Not every sexual encounter should make you feel like you were taken advantage of.” It really messes with your mental health. 
  5. Never take an overnight (nights) trip by yourself. 
  6. Always say what you mean. 
  7. Be an ear, you never know when someone may need it. 
  8. Don’t talk shit. Karma is not only a bitch but she’s also pretty quick to retaliate. Sorry karma. 
  9. EVERY choice you make effects you in the long run and you never know how it’ll work out but your chances are higher if your choices are good. 
  10. Denim shirts don’t look good on me. Tucked in or out its just bad. 
  11. Your time is precious. Don’t waste it on anyone that doesn’t want it. 
  12. Decluttering is an extremely useful form of therapy. 
  13. Don’t take anything for granted because you never know when you won’t have it anymore. With that being said, if you lose it-don’t dwell. All that hurts is you. 
  14. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. You’ve spent your entire life figuring out who that is. 
  15. Don’t neglect your dentist. Brushing and flossing doesn’t fix everything. 
  16. Memories are important. Put your damn phone away. 
  17. Your mom is your best friend. 
  18. Make sure your arguments are worth it. 
  19. Face wash is very good body wash in times of crisis. 
  20. Adults pee their pants too. No shame. 
  21. Don’t argue about how you look. You’ve had years of seeing yourself a certain way, someone else could be seeing you through rose colored glasses. 
  22. Rough days don’t mean a rough life. You’ve got plenty of time left.
Posted in 2017, blog, blog topics, life, society

People Love Struggle.

People Love struggle. 

That’s almost the same as people love drama. 

The difference is that struggle is what can break a person down and leave them feeling raw.

Drama is more simple, people saying or doing things to get a rise out of someone. 

Struggle is life, drama is social. 

Now with the differences written out I will reiterate;

People love struggle. 

Whether someone admits it or not they will get an odd fascination from looking at struggles. 

Whether it be a post on Facebook or a friend that you keep around because they struggle which is when drama comes in. 

It’s a fascination. That’s not to say people enjoy it, they just don’t know what to do without it. 

But with that also being said people also like watching others overcome struggle because with out over coming something there is no motivation for anything. 

Posted in 2017, accountable, anxiety, blog, blog topics, good vibes, health, life, mental health, moods, resolutions, thoughts

New Beginnings.

Today I realized I spend alot of time just talking about things rather than doing them. After years of people telling me nothing will change unless you change it (mostly from youtube), I decided to do just that. 

It won’t be an overnight process but I’m prepared to make some changes when it comes to how I go about my day. 

Thus far I’ve come up with a morning and night routine to help me relax and get to sleep at a normal time so my mood will improve. 

After I’m finished with that my goals will get bigger. 

I feel like this will help me with not only my anxiety and moods but with the fact that I’ve had a lot of trouble keeping my mind straight. Hence the lack of blogs. 

I realize this post isn’t the norm but I just wanted to write this down to keep myself accountable. 

                  Wish me luck.